About

What does one say about oneself to give others a sense of their being? I believe that the Dao that can be spoken of is not the True Dao, and that we are each The Dao. We can only be perceived as imperfect representations of our idealized selves. Only we know ourselves even at all. We exist as caricatures; stand-ins for the more subtle true selves that we can never really communicate.

I think that is what love is; a true understanding of one another without it ever being truly communicated. Love is someone following a broken and perilous path to the most unlikely of ends. A sense of Unity. Of Belonging.

To say I’m a romantic is something of an understatement, but also tinged with a bit of ennui. Most romantics are tragic. Bittersweet is probably the most applicable description of most of the events of my life, and at this stage, I no longer feel that to be a detriment. Which brings me nicely back to the question: Who am I?

A collection of facts: I am a man, heterosexual, middle age, single, and American. Not a demographic doing so well in this Age. I have lost more than a few friends to MAGA Madness. My politics lean more than a little liberal. Though in answer to the question, “how were you radicalized?” I can honestly say that it was by standing relatively still. I hold much the same views now as I did twenty-one years ago. Though perhaps my opinions are now more nuanced than once they were. It was the political socio-cultural spectrum that shifted.

No college degree, though if all my college credits were counted up I would have the equivalent

Doctorate, though a strange one. At different times I have majored in history, anthropology/archeology, and information technology. I have also minored in English, public policy, modern history, and sociology. And so many philosophy courses!

I wondered, but was not lost, though every time I was close to graduating there seemed to be another family tragedy. Finally, I needed to get on with my life.

I am an unabashed old-school nerd. I have always been cerebral, and it should come as no great surprise that I love science fiction. Science fiction is most often more about Humanity than it is about technology, and I gravitate to authors that emphasize that. Harlan Ellison, Ray Bradbury, and Frank Herbert are among the many I have read, and few I have reread. I would note that I was raised in a household that had many faults, but that also let me watch Star Trek every Sunday night after the news. My mother even provided me with chocolate milk for the occasion, and I continue to love science fiction on television. My favorite kind of story is a trope I call “Misanthropes on a Spaceship” and can be applied to Firefly, Star Wars, and Doctor Who.

As a teen, growing up in the 1990s I loved long, multi-volume, fantasy novels. So did everyone else it seems, it was their heyday. I devoured the back catalogs of Tolkien, Eddings, Brooks, and so many Forgotten Realms novels. Which are still among my favorites by the way.

From fantasy I found horror. I read all of Stephen King, but found my tastes more to the Gothic, with Poe, Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, Walpole, and others. Oh yes, and Lovecraft. What a brilliant, disturbed, eloquent, sad man! I enjoy very little more than a story on a cool moonless night where that which resides unseen decides to make itself known. The best laid plans of mice and Men may often go awry, especially because of the Thing in the Corn.

Star Wars. Our modern myth. Is too complicated to go into here, though it has had a profound effect on my life and friendships over the years.

Now that you have read a description of many of my favorite things you may be surprised to find out I find it very difficult to rank them at all. I mentioned earlier that I like philosophy. I am a great follower of Existentialism. Not the Will to Power brand, but more the self determination and focus experiences. When having a new experience I either like it or do not, and then move on. Keeping lists of likes and dislikes seems too bureaucratic. This is not to say I am uncritical. As I said my opinions are far more nuanced now than when I was younger. I just do not see the point of arbitrary number systems, and never have.

I believe that we have two great gifts as Humans. We have Reason, and we have Free Will. And to an Existentialist this means we have great power, and great responsibility. In a world with no meaning, we determine what is meaningful. We are The Dao, and we make The Dao.